“He broke up with me via text message after 2 years of dating.” “I thought he was the love of my life but he loves his cars more than he loves me.” He said he did not want a fat girlfriend so he left me!”
The “Break Up Plague” has hit with a vengeance amongst many of my gal pals. It seems like almost every other day I get a text or Facebook IM with the words “My boyfriend just broke up with me, HELP!”
It’s always the same story only a different chapter. My gal pals whining about how they no longer feel loved, how they gave that dude everything they had, and now they are ALONE! What will they do alone on a weekend all by themselves?
Break ups are difficult. Especially when we have spent so much time invested in a relationship that we (as women) tend to forget about ourselves. For some reason we have a habit of making relationships all about the other person and forget about the most important person “ME!” It’s all about the “dude” and his hobbies, passions, and career. Suddenly, his friends become your friends, and you have no time for your girlfriends. Then when he decides the relationship no longer serves him and dumps you, you are faced with this stranger called “YOU!”
Of course you are terrified to be with yourself! You don’t know who you are anymore. I am always a little leery of strangers, and that is what you are, a STRANGER to yourself!
I once had an argument with a female cousin of mine who had just suffered a break up. We happened to be in Barcelona, Spain shouting at each other on a street corner when I heard her say “It’s easy for you! You like to be alone!” I had to take a step back and then I asked her “Do you LOVE yourself at this moment? Do you even know who you are?” She broke down into tears and answered “NO!”
At times loving yourself is difficult. But loving someone else is much easier! We are always taught to be selfless, and care for others, however if we neglect ourselves, our hopes and dreams pretty soon that person we love will do the same.
Recently I have met many gals who suffered breakups, and decided to take a year off from dating and fall in love with themselves! They picked up hobbies that they let go of, took long vacations, started blogs, exercised, ran marathons and some even got professional therapy. Of course they all confessed it was a difficult process, but in the end they were all having an amazing love affair with themselves!
Before starting on the “Self Love Affair Journey” you may want to start a journal and assess how you feel.
- Do you like yourself: Are you happy with your appearance, weight, the way you communicate?
- What are your “Dream” goals? Do you want to climb a mountain, take vacation to Machu Picchu, Do stand up comedy, run a marathon, learn salsa dancing?
After you have established how you feel about yourself, and what “Dream” goals are, you can start to work towards them and change those things about yourself that no longer make you happy.
After you are done crying about your lost love (crying is very healthy and I strongly encourage crying, but preferably somewhere private so no one thinks you are Cra Cra!), it’s time to take yourself out on a date! No not with your girlfriends, just with you!
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, you can just start by going to a coffee shop, taking a seat, and just lounging for a bit. Who knows, someone may even come talk to you!
Every so often I take myself on a date! Some are very simple like breakfast and a mani pedi. Some are elaborate like going to dinner and a concert.
I still remember my first solo concert: Shakira at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, I had the best time ever! I bought a ticket last minute, and it happened to be a floor seat, 2 seats away from the stage. I was so immersed in music and self love that I felt as if I was floating!
Of course it was difficult to attend the concert alone. I thought everyone was staring at me, and I thought people were talking about me, but it was just all in my head.
When I am alone, it seems like a whole other world is open to me. I see things that I may have missed if I was on a date focusing on that other person. On my self-dates, I can focus on me, and my wants and needs.
As I learn to love myself, and understand what my goals, wants and needs are, I can better communicate those things to friends, family, and of course that number one Dude in my life. If I know how to love myself, then others will follow suit and treatment me with the same respect.
Over the past few years I have counseledseveral friends on taking themselves out on dates, vacationing solo, and just loving themselves. Many of them have become beautiful, strong and courageous woman who have accomplished things they only dreamed of!
If embarking on a “Self Love Date” please always remember safety first, and always let someone know where you are going!
If you would like guidance on self love and having a “Self Love Affair” send me an email at: