I’ve been “seeing” this dude off and on for about a year, and I don’t know where this “relationship” is going?
Every time I ask this “dude” about us, he tends to shut down. He never discusses his feelings with me, and will just stop talking to me whenever I bring up the subject.
He seems to never have time for me and I feel I come second in his life.
Our dates consist of just dinner and sex! He never stays over and leaves my place in the early morning.
I feel he does not give me the respect that I want and deserve! After all I am a good catch! I’m a homeowner, educated, and have no drama!
What should I do!
Lost In The City
Dear Lost In The City,
It seems like what you are calling a “relationship” is really not one! This guy is showing signs of being an “after eleven before seven” type of dude. This is typically also known as a “booty call.” From my experience booty calls are not relationships or shall I say “dating.”
Sure, in some instances they have turned into a dating relationship, but usually they don’t.
Merriam Webster describes dating as:
A series of social engagements shared by a couple looking to get married
Did you ever do anything active with this guy other than sex and dinner? Like go on a walk, hike, or take one of those classes where you paint hideous mugs you’ll never use!
Did you ever introduce him to your parents, friends or pet turtle?
If the answer is “NO,” then he definitely is a booty call!
From my personal dating experiences, men will tell you with in the first few dates what they want! I have had men tell me: I want to date you, marry you, I just want to be friends, I only want sex or a one night stand… and yes I’ve even had some tell me they wanted to have a baby! I know that one is hard to believe, but it’s happened!
As Oprah once said “people will show you and tell you who they are!” Technically, this dude was showing you he does not want a relationship. And if he stops talking to you after you asked him for more than what you two shared, he probably can’t give you what you truly deserve!
Men typically do not talk about their “feelings!” And if he is shutting down and stops talking to you, well then that’s a huge red flag telling you to walk away!
In the dating ritual, I believe women should stand up for themselves and state what they want! Avoid the meandering relationship that never leads to anywhere! If in the beginning of a true dating courtship a man never says anything about marriage, don’t expect him to marry you seven years later!
I’ve had several friends tell me once they figured out that they wanted a committed relationship and wanted to get “married,” they started “asking” for what they really wanted, and stopped dating the “after eleven before seven” type of guy!
Also, look at the way you are treating yourself! If you want someone to treat you with respect, then you have to respect yourself! Love yourself, and stand up for yourself! Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want!
My advice to you: dump this guy, buy a vibrator, and start asking for what you want! Life is too short to be wasting time with someone who has no time for a relationship!
Good Luck and much love!
If you have a question for notoriouslysinglegirl, please email: email@example.com