On a recent summer evening stroll with my walking buddy (he’s also my astrologer), we discussed the fine art of dating:
I’m in love! We chat several times a day! It’s amazing! I think this is the ONE!
“Sebastian” gloated as we walked by barking dogs on a tree lined street in the suburban neighborhood that we share. He swore he was in love as he swooned side to side telling me about his new interest. He had been chatting online for a week. They were compatible astrologically. He’d never met this individual, nor did he really plan to, yet he continued to fantasize as we saw a nuclear family of four exiting their car to their white picketed fence home.
He’s basically in a 2D relationship... and who am I to burst his bubble? But of course as a ‘dating expert’ I added my 2 cents:”It’s not a real relationship!”
“Yes, it is !” he protested!
A 2 D relationship aka “textationship” is a relationship you have with someone you have never met in the “real” 3D world. It’s all entirely through Skype, text, email, social media, etc. The relationship was made famous by the movie turned TV show “Cat Fish.” For some reason one or both parties don’t care about meeting in 3D. Someone could be lying about their identity. There could be hundreds of reasons why… but studies suggests that with evolution of the internet and social media these relationships are becoming quite common!
On a recent podcast, there was a conversation about people who may be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and who have issues connecting with people in the 3D world prefer these virtual type of relationships. In fact, they create a whole virtual world. and these types of relationships are very real to them. They are even moved by extreme emotion.
Hey, I have been there myself! You get stuck texting back and forth with someone who you never met before. Yes, it’s exciting! Yes, it’s a fun distraction! And No, it never ends well. At least for me it never has!
Personally, I try to steer clear of these 2D romances. Some have even endured a cycle of narcissistic abuse: Love Bombing (Idealize) + Devalue + Discard= Delete in a matter of minutes!
My last date had pursued me via text for over 6 months. Yes, I gave him many valid reason why I did not go with him: I was sick, tired from work, not in the mood to put on makeup and do my hair, dating hiatus, and something suddenly came up! But he persisted! I should add that many of his: “Are you busy ? Do you want to grab a drink?” texts were last minute!
The last text he sent was: “Have you found the love of your life yet?”
I responded: Yes, Everyday!
I decided to give him a chance. Maybe I was wrong … I had assumed he was pompous, another narcissist, and just a plain hot mess!
Finally, we had decided to make the 2D relationship into 3D. And the first date was “ok.” I was attracted to him, we seemed to be a match in 3D when we first met. He looked good, and smelled good! Senses that are hard to feel in 2D.
He told me about all his dramas, how he hated his family, and how 2008 did him wrong! He spoke to the bartender about tequilas for 30 minutes while I was totally being ignored! He diverted questions about the women in his life: the ex wife and the baby mama. And finally, he told me : “I have a deal breaker for you! I smoke!”
Don’t get me wrong, I have flaws! I’m human! And the best characters have many flaws!
In the storytelling classes I teach it’s always better to “show” and not “tell!” Perhaps give the relationship some time.
Clearly, this guy was pushing me away consciously, and subconsciously! Yet, he asked me out on a second date. I did accept, hey , I believe in second chances! And date #2 was no better.
He proceeded to tell me about the many things that were going ‘south’ in his life. I even suggested he go see a “curandera” a Mexican healer to give him a ‘spiritual cleansing.’ My dating advice to him as a ‘friend’ stop dating until things get somewhat organized.
The “love bombing” text’s stopped. My “spidey sense” was right about this guy! He indeed was a hot mess.
Perhaps people like to keep these type of relationships in the 2D so that they can fantasize about that perfect person. They must make up all kinds of stories just from a picture. They create a ‘perfect’ character in the screen play they are writing in their head! If they have an avalanche of drama going on in their 3D lives, the 2D fantasy relationship must bring them some type of ‘peace.’
Dating, as I’ve said before is tragic these days.
3D “in vivo” dating has much to offer. The natural chemical reactions: endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin! Yes, you can get that from your gadgets, but it’s not healthy!
A Word to the wise, if you have a lot of drama going on in your personal 3D life, give yourself a dating hiatus until things calm down! Skip the 2D relationships entirely!
Happy Summer Dating!